I
wanted to make sure I take the time & write a journal entry about the last
week of Tanner being around, & the happenings of his farewell, on Sunday,
March 9th 2014.
I
do have to just say, my heart is bursting with the love of the gospel, Tanner, family,
friends, Missionary work, etc. etc. etc. These ARE the Tender Mercies that we
have come to know these past few weeks as Tanner’s time draws close. And I am
recognizing & SO grateful for it & the acknowledgment of it too-
This
week has gone by so fast. And my heart is FULL of love & gratitude for
everyone that has been there for Tanner throughout his life as family members, leaders,
teachers, etc. Thursday night (March 6th) we went & met Mike at
Market Street Grill for dinner, one last time. It wasn’t as good as the first
time we went as a family back in January, but still grateful to go. Tanner I
think has been on edge this week, but we ALL have. Separation Anxiety is what
Bryan Dickson called it & I believe it. That night Tanner seemed to be a
little moody. As I took a few pictures, he was like, I’ve taken enough
pictures! You just took one, after me asking to take just one more. In which I
said you know, I will be taking more of these of the next week, so just get
used to it! It began raining really hard while we were in the restaurant, so
when it was time to leave Tanner took the keys & went & got the car
& pulled it up to the front door for me & the girls.
All
week Tanner has been working on his farewell talk for Sunday, but not knowing
WHAT his talk was on for sure. He had text the Bishop on Monday & asked
what his topic was, but never got a response. So he just started working on it
as the topic, Missionary Work, or Hastening the Work, because that’s been a big
topic lately at church & in our ward. So he started and had it mostly done,
when on Friday the Bishop finally text him & told him the topic was on
“Sacrifice” but because it to so long he understood if he had it done already.
So Tanner decided to add some more to Missionary Work with Sacrifice. So it all
worked out good. I was nervous that he spent all that time on a topic & the
Bishop had other plans/topic. So I’m really happy it turned out so well-
He
has had Brad down for the past week, since they came home early from
snowboarding last Friday, because Brad was feeling sick. Saturday he ended up
going into the hospital & found out he has Spinal Meningitis and strep.
Which is pretty serious but they caught it early enough. One night I was
talking to Tanner and asked him what things he wanted to do his last week- he
talked about a few things & said “Ya, but with Brad down sick, that’s like
one third of my friends….” In which I just started to laugh- Ohhhh, SO SAD! to
be the last of many to get out onto their MISSIONS.
Sunday
morning, I of course haven’t been sleeping much lately so I was up early. I worked
on making cinnamon pull a-parts for breakfast, read the scriptures in Alma
& cleaned up a little around the kitchen. Saturday was spent cleaning up
the house, making food & picking up food from Costco. And setting up a few
chairs & tables outside on the lawn, seeing it was going to be a nice day
& would be able to have people eat outside too- That, in its self was a
Tender Mercy to have the room outside for all the people that came. The weather
was beautiful, on Sunday March 9th in the middle of Winter/Spring-
it was 65 degrees outside & nice. But this is leading to my next thing I
want to talk about…
Some
TENDER MERCIES that have come along the way that I want to record are: I kept
having people ask if Tanner had luggage. In which we thought we’d either buy
some or he could use Mike & mine, we have. Although these last few months
have been really expensive, as things come down to it, it ALL costs A LOT of
money! So I pulled out the luggage we had, & it’s used, but still in good
shape. Then behind all of our luggage I see a set of luggage behind the stuff
we’ve always have used. Brand NEW, still have the tags on it- JUST what we
needed! All this time it’s been in the closet & never been used. I don’t
remember buying it, its been that long. TENDER MERCY- Then, this past week I asked a
friend about how many she had at her sons farewell, in which she SHOCKED me by
saying 300-350 people she fed. So from that time on this week, I’ve been
stressed if I’d have enough food here at the house. Thinking it might be like
the feeding the 5,000 with 2 loaves of bread reference. ;0) Totally kidding but
it felt like I might experience that. So I went back to Sam’s Club on Friday
and picked up 2 more boxes of chips, cookies, cups, etc. then asked for more help
& had more people/family offer to bring food. In which we had ended up with
PLENTY of food, all around! It WAS like we fed the 5,000! BUT, there was enough
& even plenty to say the least. TENDER MERCY! Then at the end of the night,
last night after everyone had left Mike asked Tanner that he received a lot of
cards, donations, money from family & friends. Mike asked how much money do
you need to go to the MTC…in which Tanner said I need $50 cash, for the MTC and
I need to have $200 cash for the trip from the MTC to Argentina, for any
lunches, added expenses, customs, etc. In which Mike says to Tanner, how much
did you receive tonight from everyone. Tanner said, “I received $250 in cash,
& checks today from everyone.” Another, TENDER MERCY! The weather was
ANOTHER Tender Mercy, to have it be SO beautiful & warm enough to have
people sit & visit outside, because our inside of our home only accommodates
so many. TENDER MERCY! Money has been a true blessing and gift that everyone
has been so thoughtful in giving. We are truly grateful for the goodness that
others have helped us in that way. TENDER MERCY! It was a Alpine School
District 3 day weekend & colleges had Spring Break so as MUCH as we’d love
to have everyone here to the farewell, it was also a Blessing or Tender Mercy
that we didn’t have TOO many here afterward, with my stress of not having
enough food, we had plenty. Tiffany Dickson sent me a text last week of a
picture she received of her Elder, Trevor who had just baptized a member of a
family & sent it to me & said “This is what you do it for!” meaning
sending your son off to be a Missionary for 2 years for. Baptizing families so
they can feel the joy we feel- TENDER MERCY! Holly Gundred’s email from a
family in San Antonio, Texas where her son Connor is serving. His Visa hasn’t
come through, so he was sent there instead of Brazil until it does come
through. Which it has now, but before it did received this letter saying how
this family is SO grateful for Connor & what he had done for their family & bringing them the
gospel. They named their baby after Connor & soon after received word that
his Visa is now available for him to use & head to Brazil. It might not be
MY tender mercy but I am grateful to hear that story & have it in my heart
as Tanner gets ready to leave. TENDER MERCY!
Sunday,
Tanner was very calm we just lounged around the house until it was time to get
ready for church. He did get a LONG overdue phone call from Mike Huish, telling
him how proud he is of him going to serve, etc. This after months of NO talking
to him, eye contact, etc. after Tanner quit working for Mike at the Canyons
Schools. Tanner has tried a couple of times to talk to him, so they could get
past this. I was grateful for this phone call. We ended up heading over to
church around 12:35 to get seats. When we first walked in, we saw Diane
Toronto, Mike’s aunt. So I visited with her for a minute, then went over &
saw Bill & Hilary Morgan. As I was talking with them, Tamara Vawdrey came
up with her new boyfriend. Then I visited with Tiffany & Bryan Dickson.
Then saw Nancy Brimhall, (Kurtis’s mom & sister), then Cindy Clark. Ruth
Davidson & her family, Demory, then realized church was to start. Went to
sit with the family, saw Bailey but as I sat realized Mike & Madi wasn’t
sitting with her & Liz. But it was too late to get & move so there I
sat in between Liz & Colton. It took extra long to get through
announcements, with 2 church pres. Letters to read, callings, & the Bishop
had Tanner read his scripture he chose, etc. Then Sacrament began, Kaia Larsen
&Sadie Duty from my Beehives class gave the 2 youth talks. Then it was
Tanner’s turn. He did SO AWESOME! He amazes me all the time, about his quiet
spiritual giant he is. It isn’t until he has to or is asked to speak about
spiritual things does he share. He spoke about how he never felt forced to go
on a mission, didn’t know if he would- “didn’t think he’d ever get that old”,
as he said in his talk. He spoke about how there are great men who he’s spoken
with that are incredible men spiritually & in the world sense strong, &
held all kinds of church positions, but they didn’t go on a mission & how
if you were to ask any one of them they’d tell you they regret not going on a 2
year mission. (Referring to maybe Mike, Todd, Gary, Cory, etc.) Rachel said
that she thinks that got to Todd, a little bit. I know it got to a lot of us.
He said he came to this decision on his own. He also came across a talk on
Sacrifice that the man in the story was from Argentina. He did such a great job
on his talk- SO very proud of him & got so many compliments too. He also at
one time spoke of the 18 ym who helped influence his decision, that 15 of the
18 were already out on their missions serving! That got me to tears. Then he
brought up Uncle Phil & how he just recently was invited by Gma P to go to
the Gilbert Arizona Temple Open House. He went! That got me to tear up, then he
got emotional & said, “Sorry, I just saw my mom!” He had hoped “that when I
sat down I happened to be sitting right behind a tall Uncle in which he lost
sight of me & that was good, until he saw me at that point, in which I was
tearing up. Then after he said THAT, it made me cry a little bit more. YW,
turned around to see me, cry etc. He really did a fantastic job!!! He bore his
testimony of the truth of the gospel, Prophet, church, Missionary work, &
said how excited he was to get out & serve, etc.
Then
Mike Mehl got up said how grateful he was to play for Tanner & us, then sat
down and played a beautiful musical number that reminded me of Grandpa Bailey’s
playing. A compilation of different BEAUTIFUL church songs. Tanner said he even
really liked it.
After
the musical number I had asked Kelly, Demory & Grandma to head back to my
house to help get things ready for the food. Then they had a man from our ward
that I haven’t met yet, Brother David Lukens. He did a nice job, but was only
left with 5 minutes. It was a good talk & brought the strength of
Missionary Work into it & the Sacrifice it can be, but what a treasure to
so many.
After
Sacrament, we visited with a number of people who were unable to come over to
the house, so we stayed there for a bit & definitely longer than I’d hoped,
but still nice. We visited with Carl & Gayle Ann, Eric Tadje, Kate Ayers,
Holly Gundred, Matt Paskett, Camon, the Soccer moms (Carol Hale, Nancy
Brimhall, Karen Allison, etc.) I brought Bailey & Liz back to the house
& started helping get the food in place. Kelly did a great job with help. I
was able to visit with Tiffany & Bryan Dickson again, Jana, Nancy Brimhall
who gave me a lot of good tips for a Missionary Mom. Trish, Doug, Diane &
Russ Walton, Jerry Henley. Mike was able to visit with many too that I was
unable to visit with, so to divide & conquer was nice! Diane Toronto, his
cousin Brett Hill & family, Brian & Rebekah, Standifords, etc.
We
had a great turn out, it stated to wrap up around 4:00 just in time for the
ward members to come over, but not too many did, which was okay because we
still have family here. Started taking pictures of the boys (Tanner, Brad &
Carlos, Vawdrey’s, etc) then I was able to visit with Demory, Rachel &
Todd, Colton, Doug & Jessie, etc.) It was a really nice day! We then sat
around and visited about the happenings of the day, Missionary work, Tanner,
Todd’s experience at the MTC, thoughts on his return from his mission, Colton’s
then Todd shared some great insight about how to handle/say to Elder’s who
returns home early for one reason or another. He shared a scripture in D&C
124:49. That we must put our arms around them, give them a hug & REJOICE
with them in their service! Whatever it may be!!! 24 hours, 1 week, 1 month, 6
months, or 15 months, we REJOICE with them!!! I will definitely do that now
that I know WHAT to do- I think that’s what most of our Mormon Culture has a
hard time with…we just don’t know WHAT to say! Or say it wrong-
After
Rachel & Todd left, and Colton & Demory
we started to clean & put the house back together, put some plates
of food, desserts together to give away to Kim, Merilee, others. Ran some food
around, came home, finished cleaning after Mike & Bailey did ALL the
dishes! Which was AWESOME! Then sat down & started sending Thank You texts
for everyone’s help, food & support. While Mike watched “Catching Fire”,
Bailey sat on her phone & then fell asleep, Madi crashed in her room &
Tanner needed a break to just CHILL in his room & on his own bed.
Today
the girls have no school, so we’ve just chilled, I’ve been figuring out whose
dishes are whose, writing in this journal entry, returned the chairs we
borrowed from Milli & Uncle Ralph. Ran Bay & her friends out to the
trax station so they could drive up to City Creek & enjoy their day off
together! Madi’s been watching tv & now studying for a test she needs to
take while we keep them home Wednesday from school, so we can take Tanner to
the MTC at 12:30. Tanner is doing a few things that we’ve asked of him, like his
different account passwords etc. so we’ve got those while he’s gone. He went to
Vawdrey’s and hung out for awhile, etc.
Mike is taking tomorrow & Wednesday off from
work which will be nice. Hopefully we can go to lunch, the temple or something
special with Tanner. Wednesday we are planning to go to breakfast at Kneader’s
maybe then take him to the MTC at 12:30 drop off.
Tuesday morning Tanner didn’t wake up
until about 10:30, when Mike had just said moments before, “I should’ve just
gone to work today.” He came upstairs & visited with him, then I went and
got JDawg’s for Mike and Tanner, & I picked up Artic Circle for me. We ate
lunch, then Mike & Tanner went out to the bank to withdraw his savings from
Bank of AF. While they went I laid down for a bit, since I haven’t been
sleeping well. The girls were home when they got back, Tanner slept for a
little while. Tanner wanted Little Caesar’s for his last dinner, so we picked
up dinner. Just as we were finishing Todd and Rachel came up with the girls, we
visited with them until about 6:30. Scott & Michelle were planning to come
over and the Setting Apart was at 8:30, so the family got dressed up and soon
after Scott & Michelle came. They were unable to attend his farewell
because they had a Softball tournament in Vegas for Megan. They visited for a
bit, gave Tanner a card & money, then left at 8:15 pm. We drove up to the
Stake Center where G&G Paskett, and Brad Clark met us for the blessing. Pres.
Ryan (1st Counselor) and Pres. Heiner (2nd C) were there,
Pres. Henderson was out of town.
With Tanner being the only Missionary
being Set Apart that evening. Pres. Heiner gave a few remarks & scriptures,
then Pres. Ryan gave a few remarks, bore his testimony then offered the
Blessing on Tanner with all men in attendance standing in the circle.
It was a Beautiful Blessing and Mike had
some strong feelings during the blessing that he shared with me that evening.
But first, a week or so ago Mike shared with me that last year while he was
unemployed he had made Heavenly Father a promise that if He helped Mike find a
job, Mike would do everything in his power to help Tanner serve a Mission. So
during the blessing, Mike said he felt the Spirit so STRONG, & felt the
pressure of the Spirit, and also a release of pressure from what Mike said he’d
do, and knew he had fulfilled his end of the promise he had made to HF & HF
knew it.
We came home to some treats waiting for
us, & Stacia and Braden Shelley had some Beto’s for the boys and they sat
and visited in the kitchen, talking laughing & eating. I took a few
pictures of them picking out ties from a big bag of ties that Colton had dropped
off from his mission. Then they all headed downstairs for a little Fifa 14’
while I went in the other room and started packing his bags. We didn’t want
that pressure for the next morning. Then Paige Eastwood & her bf came over
& I sat and listened to them laugh, joke, take pictures, & scream &
yell Fifa style for a couple of hours. Around 11:30 or so Tanner cam in to help
me figure a few things out. But with it he brought some “doorknob” farts…he
kept saying it over & over. That Beto’s must’ve gone right through him :0)
Then at one point I was pushing a luggage away from me & I tooted! He just
laughed and laughed, we both did! I asked him to try tying a tie with a cheat
sheet on the back of a Mr. Mac’s tie we bought. He did it, he was so PROUD
& so was I. I asked to take a picture & he laughed, walked into the
bathroom to check the tie out & he came back in & let me take a few
pictures, but he made sure to make a goofy face in the pictures because I was
making him take a photo. We went over
things, visited, and gave him a hug, packed up & went to bed while they
continued to play for a little bit longer. He said goodnight & goodbye to
everyone about 12:30 or so.
Wednesday morning, Mike went down about
9 am to wake Tanner up. The girls were up getting ready, when I went down
stairs to visit with Tanner one last time in his room. As I cried, I told him
HOW PROUD of him I was & that the tears were HAPPY tears, not sad tears- I
was grateful that I was crying for a Happy reason and not a SAD reason. I asked
that he get ready because we would be going to leave around 10 am, to go to
Kneaders and I wanted him to give me a Blessing before he left. So we finished
up the last of Tanner’s packing. Brought the bags upstairs and weighed them to
see if we were over the weight limit or close to it- Mike figured he could
carry BOTH his luggage bags up the stairs at the same time. So I got a few
pictures, because it was a FUNNY sight to see. The bags were CLOSE to weight
limit, but one was about 39 lbs and the other 47 lbs. I made sure to take a lot
of pictures that morning. We headed out the door and headed to Kneader’s in
Lehi. Tanner sat in the front with Mike driving. We arrived at Kneader’s
ordered our breakfast, however Tanner said he wasn’t hungry. (I think his
stomach was all in knots…) so we ordered him a Smoothie. We sat and ate &
visited. At one point we talked about the food that Trevor Dickson was eating
on his mission in Honduras. And the funny picture of Tiffany clinging to his
leg while dropping him off at the airport, when he was headed to the Mexico
Airport.
We also began asking him like 20
questions- Who was your first kiss? Becky Carpenter (one of the twins), when did Mom embarrass you the most? We
laughed and I suggested that it might have been last night when I farted when I
pushed the luggage, we related it to like Gma’s walking farts. We asked who was
the Best kiss? No response on that one. And we continued to ask questions when
we got in the car and headed to drop him off at the MTC. When the question came
up of, "Who was the most influential friend, & the person you look up
to the most?" In which Tanner responded, "On and off the field it was
Landon & Ginger. (And with respect to going on a mission) They knew what
they wanted to do & didn't let anyone or anything get in their way." Then asked "What girl do
you respect, & has influenced you in a positive way?" In which
Tanner's response was, "Sarah Matthews, I think she's had some rough
times, & she is always so positive, happy & fun to be around." And "Stacia, she is always so positive,
happy & fun to be around. Just one of the guys, but a girl!" We
laughed and talked all the way to Provo. We stopped off at the Provo Temple
about 11:45 am and took a few pictures, asked a dad from another family that
was dropping off a Missionary to take a few family pictures. Then just about
12:10 pm or so, Tanner just said “Okay, let’s go!” And my thoughts were,
NO! I’m not ready & they said I could have you until 12:30 and I want to
keep you until then!” BUT, I knew that he was anxious and READY to just GO!, so
we headed off to the Provo MTC, pulled in as the 2nd car to drop a
Missionary off, drove down to spot #24, pulled up and saw another Missionary
getting out of his car, said he was from Maryland and heading to Argentina. We
all got out of the car, popped the trunk to get his luggage. The MTC Missionary
Escort introduced himself as Elder Bowcut from Spanish Fork and heading to
Cleveland, Ohio. He had only been there a week & was Tanner’s escort.
He let us say our GOODBYE’s, and we gave
Tanner one last hug, said one last goodbye, and he was OFF! And SO anxious to
do so! Then we got back in the car & as I sat crying in the front seat, I
looked out at that young Elder that I talked about earlier with his dad. They
were giving their last hug, no one taking their picture & how sad that made
me, & I thought to myself, I bet he’d give anything to have one last
picture of him hugging his son. We drove out the exit, and all of us were
crying like babies! Even Mike! We sat in silence most of the ride home. We did
stop at Coldstone & Madi was the only one who wanted a cup of Ice Cream.
Bailey was asking if we could take her to school, seeing she had a review for a
test that day in class & wanted to get the most of it.
We came home, Mike took Bailey to school
& then went and washed and cleaned out Tanner’s car. While I went in
Tanner’s room, cleaned it, and got the remaining items from his laundry. It
helped me relax, the cleaning did. But I couldn’t take his sheets off yet to
wash them. I know I will, I’m sure go down and smell his sheets or crawl into
his bed. I have been down a number of times already and sat on his bed, prayed
or listened to music in his room, etc. That Wednesday was REALLY HARD! To see
his shoes at the front door, his laundry, his shoes or snowboard stuff outside
in the garage, I’d just start crying. It felt so empty in our home. We kept
ourselves all pretty busy & had a number of fb posts, texts messages or
phone calls that day to check in on us to see how we were doing? But none of us
wanted to talk! And every time I’d get a text, I’d start to cry- So I just
avoided it! Mike & Bailey had to go and change her phone at Tmobile &
Tanner’s sim card, etc. So while they were out Mike picked up dinner. We had
Café Rio, but as we sat down to eat I looked over & saw the empty chair
Tanner would sit in, and I just lost it. Said I couldn’t say prayer, Mike said
he had a lump in his throat & couldn’t, then we all started crying! Mike
said you think Heavenly Father would undertand if we didn’t say prayer this
once. I said NO! Tanner needs our prayer- so eventually after a number of
minutes of trying to compose himself Mike said the prayer, and briefly spoke of
Tanner. I just kept losing it that night- The just soon after dinner, the door
bell rang and No one wanted to answer it, but Madi did. It was Tamara Vawdrey
with 4 different colored Smiling Face balloons. One for each of us, to remember
to SMiLE! She gave me a hug & told me it would get better & that I
might get an email in the first couple of days from Tanner. I didn’t want to
get me hopes up, but was HOPING! We visited for a little while & talked
about Tanner. As we sat at dinner that night, while I couldn’t stop crying here
& there Mike asked How are you going to do it tomorrow? In which I told him
that Jana said that she would hang out with me that next day & we could do
whatever I wanted, or needed to do, if she didn’t have to report for jury duty.
In which she didn’t have to report so I headed up to Jana’s that next morning,
Thursday.
Thursday I went up to Jana’s house
around 11 or so after stopping at Sam’s Club to return a few items from
Tanner’s farewell gathering. We just sat and visited, cried, and I enjoyed just
asking questions, crying and hearing her stories of Michael’s mission. She also
did say that Michael did email her just a day or two after arriving at the MTC, so she said she
thought that we might receive an email also. Thursday night as we were watching
tv and doing homework, I kept checking my email to see if Tanner sent one.
Then, just after 9 pm Thursday night *I GOT it!!!* It was SO GOOD too hear from
him & hear him say he’s doing okay, Loving it actually and just staying
REALLY BUSY! He said that his pday was that day, but they had to forfeit it
because they had so much going on. He said that he might actually be leaving
earlier to Argentina than he thought. But here, let me just add in his email
here- Since we received this email though, both Mike & I have been less
stressed & we’ve had more Peace & comfort…and I’ve stopped crying like
I had been.
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